So at this stage in my life I want to have fun. I'm eighteen and although I feel obligated to a tad more respect, I find it unfortunate that I'm also immediately expected to become this perfect working adult. No, my time right now is meant for making mistakes and learning to become a better person. I will not grow without experience is how I completely feel.
With that said, I can start to vent about what exactly happened two days ago.
My family and I are close but we have issues just like all families. My mom and I fight because she thinks I'm trying to be rebellious and I'm at the age where I think I know what's best for me. Truth. I know I'm not that smart or experienced in life. I know that my mom will always be there for me and love me and try to guide me through life as best as she can.
Friday: I had work at Payless from open, 9:30, until 3:45. As soon as I got off work I realized my mom wouldn't be home, she was in Phoenix attempting to relax. So being the evil little teenager I am I decided what the heck I'm gonna have some fun too and go hang out with my best friends. I haven't seen them in a while because they usually tend to party. A lot. Anyway, I call up the boy I'm seeing I go pick him and his best pal up and then we jet it over to my best friend's house to see if she has any party plans for the night. She then called my four other friends and had them come over. Long story short we ended up finding a couple parties, but I didn't drink. The boy I'm seeing did drink more than what I would ever try and drink and his drunkness hit him full force after only an hour of partying. When a flamboyant guy decided to push my guy, I had to step in before this poor gay kid got the snot beat out of him. (I love gay rights and people: no offense to be taken please, the kid was gay I don't know how else to say it and it does matter because that's why he pushed my guy because he was offended by him saying something. God only knows what he thought he said, this poor kid was really wasted himself.) So that broke up the party. My best friend took me and my guy home and long story short- again, I am now living with my dad instead of my mom.
Saturday: After my best pal took us to her place I had a choice, either I would go take my guy home all the way across town and risk getting in trouble or crashing my brand new car, or take him back to my house and have him, honestly, sleep on my floor and I'd sleep on my bed. I chose my place. Lone behold my older sister text messaged me to ask where I was at 12:49 am. I replied with a surprised text asking her if she was at our mom's house for some reason. I waited a full hour at least before handing my phone to my guy so he could put it in his pocket. When me and this handsome fella finally arrived to my house I noticed not only my sister's car in the driveway but her boyfriends' car as well. I knew this would be bad but I thought maybe she was already asleep and maybe she'll be understanding and have him sleep on the couch or something. We get in the house she runs out of her room and soon I'm faced with a tear ridden expression that made me immediately apologize. My guy saw her first and I'm sure she glared at him like no other.
"Give me my phone." I said to him. And he handed it over. There were exactly 30 missed calls from my sister and 3 new text messages. "Sam I swear I didn't see these I just noticed, I waited for you.." But she wouldn't hear it she just said, "This is mom's problem."
Saturday After My Work Shift: Sam messaged me angry texts all through my shift, my mom called after. I got home from work and asked Sam if she was ready to talk. She pissed me off and I left to deposit my paycheck. Then I got back home and figured that she wouldn't want to talk so I kept to myself. She then started to yell at me asking me if I was ready to apologize. Most of the things she was saying didn't make any sense but I tried to reason with her calmly and explain that I already apologized. I tried to show her the messages and she was sure that I deleted everything and didn't want to see it. I never deleted anything, at all. I had and still have all the calls and texts from me and her. I wanted to show her the time stamps so she could at least not be hurt and stop thinking I was ignoring her. Finally I thought she was going to listen and I looked down to open the texts and show her and when I was just starting to look up I realized gradually that I had been hit. She slapped me in the face. Sam looked like she was even in shock when I looked up. Then I closed my fist and swung at her making contact with her neck. After that I thought she would've figured out that this wasn't going to end well but all of her rationality flew away and she began to full force attack me. Several times I tried to get her away from me by either kicking her or pushing her away but she just kept coming.
Saturday After the Fight: I almost called police. She has never hit me or anything like that before, so me being in shock and disarray thought that she was the only one that would go to jail if I called the police. I was wrong. She broke my phone so I couldn't call and thank god too, because I would've been locked up to for swinging back at her. I thought my mom would hate me. I thought my dad would be so disappointed but turns out they both saw a big fight coming between her and I. Sam is a very angry girl and no one know why, she feels like her childhood was bad but I was there and all three of us girls were spoiled. My parents reasoned with me and made me feel like I was actually being listened too. Yes I was at fault, I shouldn't have gone to a party in the first place and I sure as hell shouldn't have brought a boy home. I'm okay with the verdict.
Sunday: My first day staying at my dad's place in Benson. My mom and I both agreed that we, my mom, my oldest sister, and I can't all live together. So we made a decision to have me live with my dad until Sam could find a place to live and get on her feet. It's going to be a lot of gas for me to go to work but it's worth it and I know all of us will be happier. I respect and love both my parents but there is still a child in me that can't stand my sister for how she behaved through out this whole ordeal.
Monday- Today: I am feeling much better and can't wait to live with my dad. I just went to WellsFargo and I'm about to hang out with the same guy. Even though this happened, I'm still really happy knowing that I handled this situation as best as I could and in my mind I became more of a woman because of this experience. Life's all about mistakes and learning from them.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Food for Thought
So it seems as if I'm going to be the typical girl posting about love... Not today. I have an interesting tale of an ex who just so happens to make my love-dar go to an ultimate E. For three days now I have not been feeling the best due to what I believe is strep throat. On the third day, yesterday, I received a text message from my ex saying, "get well soon." I giggled needless to say, not because he was trying to be nice after everything that previously occurred, but because he was sending it to show me that somehow despite my deletion on Facebook, he found out that I was sick. So I said, "thanks nigga :)" and all hell broke lose.
Let me start by saying he is not black and should not be offended by the word because he uses it as well and the only reason I use it is because of White Chicks. Come on you know the movie with the two black police officers that go undercover as white chicks, any who it's used in there multiple times as a joke not a mean and cruel word.
It's just not fair for him. He really has no idea why I dislike him so much now. He has completely and utterly made me lose interest in him just by dating him. You learn about people, you're supposed to learn about people and the way they truly are when you are dating. You learn that they have to eat like a pig because quote, "That's just how I eat, take it as a compliment." Yeah, chuckle, giggle, sigh, I wish I could take that as a compliment but then I would have to choke down another bite of my food after watching your disgusting eating habits. The eating, I may have mustered the courage to deal with, but when it came to being disrespectful in my house he had absolutely no excuse. When he came over to my house the first time, he opened my front door before I had a chance to. In most cases that would be considered polite. Not when I was inside my house trying to answer his third doorbell ring, and instead of him patiently waiting five more seconds, decides what the hell I'll just come on in and make myself at home. What the hell boy?! He must be twisted. He was so lucky my mom wasn't home yet because she would've told him to leave. Once inside my house he began to belch and at some points burp in my mouth, as a joke, if I was about to peck him and then he would plop on my couch and turn on the television. Can you scream RUDE MOTHA FUCKA?! I almost did.
Now, this is why I didn't tell his sorry ass to get out. He is from a different culture where he vows, that all this bullshit is acceptable. Maybe walking into people's houses without waiting is polite for that culture, I could see it, but eating like your a cannibal is going a little too far when it comes to being polite in most cultures. He would always use his culture as an excuse to be disrespectful and that's what rubbed me the wrong way. In my opinion you need to warn someone about all these things if you want them to like you when the night is over. Because of the strong or in other views, insane, woman I am, I stayed in this relationship for almost six months. He had some good qualities like being pretty funny, and sweet, on very rare occasions. But he didn't realize until it was too late that he basically screwed up our relationship from the very beginning. I feel bad that I didn't become the perfect Arab women he wanted me to be... ya fuck that no I don't. I feel bad that he expected me to change who I was in order to satisfy his life style and make my own, a new type of living hell. He talked about marriage and kids and how the woman is in the house only and all the while I'm thinking, "Why am I wasting my time with someone like you?" Long story short if you're thinking about trying to date a Muslim man because it seems interesting and new, make sure he's a real man not a childish eighteen year old who can't stick up for both of you. Because even though they say that they will stick up for you, odds are when his mom holds up a shoe, you better be booking it down the street.
Let me start by saying he is not black and should not be offended by the word because he uses it as well and the only reason I use it is because of White Chicks. Come on you know the movie with the two black police officers that go undercover as white chicks, any who it's used in there multiple times as a joke not a mean and cruel word.
It's just not fair for him. He really has no idea why I dislike him so much now. He has completely and utterly made me lose interest in him just by dating him. You learn about people, you're supposed to learn about people and the way they truly are when you are dating. You learn that they have to eat like a pig because quote, "That's just how I eat, take it as a compliment." Yeah, chuckle, giggle, sigh, I wish I could take that as a compliment but then I would have to choke down another bite of my food after watching your disgusting eating habits. The eating, I may have mustered the courage to deal with, but when it came to being disrespectful in my house he had absolutely no excuse. When he came over to my house the first time, he opened my front door before I had a chance to. In most cases that would be considered polite. Not when I was inside my house trying to answer his third doorbell ring, and instead of him patiently waiting five more seconds, decides what the hell I'll just come on in and make myself at home. What the hell boy?! He must be twisted. He was so lucky my mom wasn't home yet because she would've told him to leave. Once inside my house he began to belch and at some points burp in my mouth, as a joke, if I was about to peck him and then he would plop on my couch and turn on the television. Can you scream RUDE MOTHA FUCKA?! I almost did.
Now, this is why I didn't tell his sorry ass to get out. He is from a different culture where he vows, that all this bullshit is acceptable. Maybe walking into people's houses without waiting is polite for that culture, I could see it, but eating like your a cannibal is going a little too far when it comes to being polite in most cultures. He would always use his culture as an excuse to be disrespectful and that's what rubbed me the wrong way. In my opinion you need to warn someone about all these things if you want them to like you when the night is over. Because of the strong or in other views, insane, woman I am, I stayed in this relationship for almost six months. He had some good qualities like being pretty funny, and sweet, on very rare occasions. But he didn't realize until it was too late that he basically screwed up our relationship from the very beginning. I feel bad that I didn't become the perfect Arab women he wanted me to be... ya fuck that no I don't. I feel bad that he expected me to change who I was in order to satisfy his life style and make my own, a new type of living hell. He talked about marriage and kids and how the woman is in the house only and all the while I'm thinking, "Why am I wasting my time with someone like you?" Long story short if you're thinking about trying to date a Muslim man because it seems interesting and new, make sure he's a real man not a childish eighteen year old who can't stick up for both of you. Because even though they say that they will stick up for you, odds are when his mom holds up a shoe, you better be booking it down the street.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Sunflower Tat!
Island of Traction
By: Sarah Murch
A blue ocean testing the shores of distractionBelieved to be found on the Island of Traction
Definite beams of a sun too hotBursting rays, burning channels display feelings of loss
Single coconut there on the tree
Believe it or not you aren't misery
Grace my head with thoughts of freedom
Hope of love and rescue from this Eden
My faint crows feet starting to show
Because my smile is wearing in, to and fro
Please come coconut drop from your perch
I need you to conk me off of this earth
Hit me so hard that my dreams become real
The sand no longer burns, no worries of a next meal
Just kill me now, for I'm sure not sorry
That I'm stuck on this Island of Traction and not ever longing
A Poem for My Fate Guy
Heart's Pure Devotion
By: Sarah Murch
 |
| Sing in the rain... |
My heart in gain and now quickly melting
Sounds of a dream I can't yet express
A moment too deemed an odd argument
 |
| But a simple sunflower... |
Your eyes then green and turned to now blue
Your smile so broad, kisses turned new
Not daisies or lilies can express your true care
But a simple sunflower plucked from a garden so fair
 |
| This flower means... |
I tell you this in hope of learning
That my happiness is simple and you I am loving
My sweet, my dear this flower means
Nothing so long as if not you it brings
 |
| Heart's pure devotion... |
Or lack the sour sweetness of my hearts' pure devotion
 |
| My mind is a maze you must travel through. |
Yes you are dear and yes you mean mountains
Please take precaution, my heart is at auction
Dominate my thoughts like my lonesome dreams
Or be confused into them, intertwined with schemes
Of utter displays of only you
My mind is a maze you must travel through.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
My Future
People dream. They dream and wish and hope that someday they will be given the chance and opportunity to be everything they aspire to be. I like to dream of what my life will be like. Dreaming and wishing is always a blessing for me. If not for my vivid tales of the future, there wouldn't be anything to hope for and no gateway to what-could-be. In time, I know I can be great. I know that everything will fall in it's place and all my admirable accomplishments will hold true to who I am.My faith in myself will grow and hopefully love for people along the way will continue to grow as well.
To dream like I do really is fantastic. I dream about wanting to be a traveling journalist and I can actually picture myself going on rough, dangerous adventures that people may watch from time to time on a television network. I dream and see myself living in a comfortable home small garden in the back. My dreams help me stay motivated.
Soon I'll be graduating from college and I absolutely can't wait! Even though my G.P.A is a shameful 2.37 unweighted, I hope and pray and apply to get as many scholarships as I can. If I'm not lucky enough to get scholarships then my plan is to go to Pima Community College for 2 years and get my generals done, then with my higher G.P.A, I will apply for Northern Arizona University and hopefully receive many more scholarships for my good grades. At N.A.U. I'm going to attend recruitment for the sororities. My guess is that I will most likely fit in with the sorority that confides in each other and loves one another and would never do anything to hurt or harm the sisters of that sorority. I would be privileged to be accepted to N.A.U.; It would be the icing on the cake if a sisterhood actually wanted me.
So I dream and wait but work as well and nothing can stop me from achieving my goals.
To dream like I do really is fantastic. I dream about wanting to be a traveling journalist and I can actually picture myself going on rough, dangerous adventures that people may watch from time to time on a television network. I dream and see myself living in a comfortable home small garden in the back. My dreams help me stay motivated.
Soon I'll be graduating from college and I absolutely can't wait! Even though my G.P.A is a shameful 2.37 unweighted, I hope and pray and apply to get as many scholarships as I can. If I'm not lucky enough to get scholarships then my plan is to go to Pima Community College for 2 years and get my generals done, then with my higher G.P.A, I will apply for Northern Arizona University and hopefully receive many more scholarships for my good grades. At N.A.U. I'm going to attend recruitment for the sororities. My guess is that I will most likely fit in with the sorority that confides in each other and loves one another and would never do anything to hurt or harm the sisters of that sorority. I would be privileged to be accepted to N.A.U.; It would be the icing on the cake if a sisterhood actually wanted me.
So I dream and wait but work as well and nothing can stop me from achieving my goals.
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